It's been one of those weeks. You know the type...multiple events scheduled for each day. Somedays I'm not even sure how it will all work since I need kids in two places at once. Then there is all my work around the house; cooking, cleaning, laundry. Christmas activities are popping up all over the place. Add to it my church assignments and other friend and family obligations. Even things I enjoy become just another thing to check off my list. These days usually end with me feeling tired and stretched WAY too thin. I often find myself falling back into unhealthy habits.
The thing I'm finally coming to accept about having an eating disorder is it never will go away. It's hard for me to even type that sentence. However, my amazing therapist, Landry is helping me understand that this isn't the equivalent to a life sentence! She explains that an eating disorder is like a switch that's wired in my head. Anytime things get crazy or stressful my wiring will run a current to the eating disorder switch. When I first heard this I felt pretty discouraged and frustrated. I do not want to live with this for the rest of my life. Landry assured me that just because the switch is there doesn't mean it has to be on.
Learning to control the switch is now my goal. When life gets crazy and stressful I can use the tools I've learned in therapy to divert the current from triggering the eating disorder switch. The tools I use aren't magic. The are actually pretty basic and logical.
One tool I'm learning is that it is extremely important to take care of myself. This means keep myself healthy, well rested, and exercise in moderation. Sleep is very important. Gone are the days of functioning on 3 or 4 hours of sleep! Being sick can also prove very challenging. So, I have to be very alert and make sure I'm taking care of my physical well being so as to not allow the current to flip the switch.
Another important tool is focusing on the positive. I'm generally a happy person but this world is full of so much sadness and darkness. Honestly, it REALLY brings me down. I try to avoid watching the news. I even have to be careful what I read...non-fiction or fiction. If it's very dark or sad and hopeless I fall into the depths of despair. I even have to keep things in check when my loved ones have a bad day or challenges. If I can't help or fix it, I become overwhelmed by it. To combat this, I have to stay positive and optimistic to prevent my switch from turning on.
The final tool I want to mention is called "cope ahead". Because I like to plan in advance, this tool works great for me. When I see a busy hectic day, I can plan ahead ways to prevent the current from switching on my eating disorder switch. This might be as simple as putting a few extra eat on the run snacks in my purse the night before a busy day, or as difficult as seeing my schedule is full and saying no to another scheduling request. It's like seeing the storm on the horizon and getting my tools all lined up to stop the current just in case.
I'm no electrical engineer, but I'm grateful for this analogy. It really helps me to visual what I need to do to stay in recovery and to continue to work toward a healthy happier me.
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