The past month has been a great month for me regarding recovery. I've gone long periods of time with out even thinking about having an eating disorder. I realized that I completely stopped following one of ED's rules after not doing it for three weeks. I just didn't do it one day! No planning, no thought, NO ANXIETY! (I also didn't even realize how significant an event this was for over two weeks!) For the first time, I'm thinking recovery is really possible and I can totally do this!
This doesn't mean smooth sailing, and I'm actually ok about that. It's life! Tragic national headlines this month kind of hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt very sad and overwhelmed. But I reached out and asked my therapist for help. And of course, she gave me great advice and encouragement. I made adjustments and kept on rolling!
I've been thinking a lot about where I am in recovery. I've decided to call this stage the "honeymoon" stage of recovery. Just like a newly married couple, each life event, holiday, and experience is "new". (Let me tell you, my first college football season as a new bride was a real eye opener!) Recovery is the same way! Experiencing life with out an eating disorder is a learning experience. First family reunion...first summer vacation...first Christmas. Sometimes these events don't even slow me down. But if I do hit any bumps I'm getting good at asking for help and support.
As I left my monthly visit with my therapist today, I was feeling so great! Fighting ED has been the hardest thing I've ever done. I am proud of the hard work I've done to get to this point. I felt like shouting out loud! "I'm recovering!!!!" But since it's the "honeymoon" stage, maybe I should decorate my car with tin cans dragging behind, and big painted letters on the back that say "just recovered!", and hearts on all my windows! I think recovery and I have a long promising future together!
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