All I really need to know about recovery I learned from Landry

When I was in high school a very popular book was published called "All I Really need to know I learned in Kindergarten". It was a huge success and spun off several copycat books and poems. Here's my version!

"All I Really Need to Know About Recovery I Learned from Landry"

Landry is the second therapist I worked with on my journey to overcome my eating disorder. My first therapist taught me a lot about eating disorders and helped me learn to trust in sharing my struggles with a therapist.   I also learned a few tricks and tools.  However, after working with her for only five short months, my family moved half way across the country and for eight hectic, crazy months I tried my best to deal with my challenges with out a therapist. It was too much and I completely hit rock bottom. It was a scary time. I decided to give up on recovery. 

Thank goodness for family and friends who all but pushed me into the capable hands of Landry at the Eating Disorder Recovery Center of San Antonio.  Our first meeting she taught me my first important lesson. After honestly telling her I no longer had a desire to work toward recovery, Landry matter of factly told me there was not much she could do to help me, if I didn't want help. She also reminded me of the reasons why recovery was worth it. I was in such a grim place but that one session shed the slightest sliver of light in my darkened mind and allowed the smallest prickle of hope to touch my heart. It also made a huge changed in my thoughts about recovery. It made me realize that no matter which therapist I worked with, no matter what challenges I faced, no matter how much I turned to others for help, no matter how much my family and friends loved me and worried, recovery is on ME!  It is my choice, it is my job!

So I took Landry's challenge and I decided to work.  Work is exactly what we did. Most of our beginning sessions were more like classes. Landry taught me all about dialectic behavior therapy (DBT). (I joking told my husband it was diabolical behavior therapy!)  After sharing certain struggles I had encountered during the week, Landry would be prepared with tools and tricks to overcome them. With dry erase marker in hand, she'd explain to me on her little white board how I could use these tools. Some sessions I'd leave and think, there is no way I can remember all that!  But each week I'd find myself remembering portions that I'd try hard to apply when I hit rough patches.  The tools worked!

Despite all this training, some challenges still completely overwhelmed me.  Landry wasn't just there for me during my once a week session. She encouraged me to call or text her ANYTIME I needed her. It took me a while to feel comfortable doing this. I felt guilty for contacting her, especially during times I knew she wasn't at the office. But the few times I've reached out to her, when I really felt helpless, she would reassure me and remind me of a tool to use to take care of the issue.  She never solved my problem, but helped me remember how to fix it myself.  Knowing she will always be there has given me the courage to be a bit more daring, to try new things or hard things.  I know if I fail or get anxious, she's just a text or call away with reassurance and helpful tools to fix the problem. 

As I have progressed in my use of the many tools Landry taught me, our sessions became less of a classroom environment and more of a "heart to heart". Although Landry still teaches me something new every time, our sessions build me up with determination and confidence. It's been during these "heart to heart" meetings that Landry has instilled in me one of my most valuable tools...to wonder. When I tell her about challenges I'm working on, at some point in our discussion she almost always says something like "I think you can just wonder why you are having those thoughts."  It's funny that such a little thing like "wondering" would become such a big step in my recovery. Instead of getting all worked up and beating myself up over eating disordered thoughts, I've learned to think about why I'm thinking those thoughts without judging them or myself and then just letting them go. My thoughts are not me!  My thoughts do not mean I have to act on them. Usually I can figure out why I'm thinking those thoughts and then address that with a tool Landry taught me about. 

As I get ready to turn another page of the calendar, I proudly look back at my year with Landry.  I only see her once a month now.  However, I leave her office with renewed trust and faith in my ability to recover. Recover!  RECOVER!  I honestly never thought it was something attainable.  She's taught me "all I really need to know about recovery".  AND more importantly, she's taught me to have confidence in myself.  Thank you Landry.