Giving Up on Getting Well

It's been a pretty frustrating and challenging couple of weeks. I basically decided I was done fighting and I gave up on recovery.  The only problem is my family and friends didn't exactly agree with this decision. It's very hard for me to be open about this. It's a pretty bleak and dark feeling. Plus, I know many people just don't understand eating disorders.  I've spent a lot of time this past week trying to explain my struggle to my loved ones. It's not easy. I was asked to do a lot of things I didn't want to do...things that would make me feel better and get me back on track with recovery. I just don't want to. My mentor Jess sent me these wise words...
"Relapse is so common for people living with ED. I have been there myself. Just because you are feeling this way today, doesn't mean you will feel the same way tomorrow."
So today I don't feel like doing any of the things to help me get back on track with recovery.  But I hope tomorrow or the next day or soon, that feeling will change. Until then I will do what is ask because those that care about me asked me to do it...because they love me...because I love them.
Here's a little something I wrote yesterday...
Lost
I've been lost. I couldn't find my way.
I was scared, alone and darkness filled my days
I've been lost. Feeling panic and despair
I couldn't find my way, on a pathway to nowhere.
I've been lost. Hope had left my soul.
All light was swallowed into an endless black hole.
When suddenly I noticed on the path in front of me
A marker of types, a lighthouse in my stormy sea
I strained my eyes and see another light ahead
Although the path seems more sure doubt cautions where I tread
But with each step, fear weakened and I slowly gain ground
I notice the dark fog lifting all around
Then I see the shadows along my timid trail
I hadn't been alone, my eyes only covered by a dark veil
As the darkness dispels with each small unsure stride
The light reveals my journey filled with loved ones by my side.
And in each hand a flashlight, helping illuminate my course
Since in my struggle I'd lost my own light source.
And though I was lost, I was never alone
My friends and family gave borrowed light to help me get back home.