I love music. I always have and I'm pretty sure I ALWAYS will. I'm not picky about my music. I like music across all ages and genres. From Shostakovich's fifth symphony to Coolio's "Ganster Paradise", classic Beatles or Zeppelin's classic rock, smooth Nat King Cole with big band backup or Maroon 5's easy on the eyes and ears, Adam Levine; my music taste runs the gauntlet. I listen to old and new country, disco, rap, Gregorian chanting monks, alternative, church music, Motown, top 20, Broadway musicals, hippie, grunge, hip hop, bluegrass, rock and roll, soul, folk, Indian Bollywood, oldies, contemporary, and (one of my favorites) movie sound tracks.
The brilliant Leonard Cohen said "Music is the emotional life of most people." That would be a true statement for me. Music makes me feel all kinds of emotions. Sometimes music makes me really sad. I've been known to cry a tear or two over a song. Sometimes music makes me happy. Nothing better on a nice sunny day then to roll the windows down, turn the radio up, and sing your heart out to a fast upbeat song that you know ALL of the lyrics. Sometimes music makes me mad. The beat pumps and the singers voice can't hide frustration, hurt or anger. I quickly find myself caught up in the rage. Sometimes music makes me feel brave and invincible. EYE OF THE TIGER- need I say more? I recently realized I easily allow these feelings to come and go while listening to music (without any thought to blocking them), but as soon as I feel the same feelings because of real life, I push them down and try to suppress them. Feelings from music start with the song and end with the song. When the song is over, the feeling ends and the next song brings a new feeling. But with feelings from life, I fear that the feelings (especially ones I label bad or negative) will never end. However, thanks to my superhero (therapist) I learned that feelings are...well, they are just feelings. And like the feelings I experience with music, life's feelings come and go. It's much healthier to feel life's feeling. Let them wash over you. Then once you've felt them, let the feelings end...just like with a song! So, I know what some of you are thinking. "I don't want to feel certain feelings." Well, I hear you! Really I do!
I had another change in thought about feelings while I was...you guessed it...listening to music! I was listening to one of my favorite soundtracks. It's all instrumental. I've never even seen the movie, but I love the music simply for the music. It is beautiful. I was listening to it and just really letting the feelings of the music wash over me...happy, intense, peaceful, sad, thoughtful, even a little scary. Now, if that sound track only had happy songs it would be kind of boring. The highs and lows, the crescendos and decrescendos, the major and minor keys, the slow, sweet, solo flute or the haunting strings all gliding together through the arrangement...these all give the music different emotion which makes the soundtrack fuller and richer. So it is with life. Feeling happiness all the time is not only boring and pretty much impossible, but it also takes the richness out of our life's soundtrack. The great psychotherapist Carl Jung wisely stated, " Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."
A few weeks ago I heard a song that I'd always liked. However, because of my struggle to overcome an eating disorder, the lyrics took on a new meaning to me. The feelings this song gave me were no longer the happy go lucky feelings of a girl who didn't really relate to the song. The song now makes me feel strong and empowered. I dedicate this next song to E.D.
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with "your lies" (lyric modification)
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive (hey-hey)
It took all the strength I had
Not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
Somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
Still in "need of" you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
And now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with "your lies"
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive
Next time you listen to music be mindful of the feelings it brings over you. Acknowledge them and watch them fade away with the ending of one song and beginning of another. Then next time you feel a strong feeling from life...let it come. Be mindful and wait for that "song" in your life to end. If the feelings are unpleasant or uncomfortable, remember a happy song is always coming up soon on the playlist of life. You will survive! Hey-Hey!
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