When Service Saved My Life

One of my favorite people in history is Mother Teresa.  The more I learn about her the more I feel a connection to her. I believe that part of her goodness and drive to help others was a way to combat her feelings of depression and worthlessness.  Mother Teresa stated "We have been created to love and be loved."

As I've combated my eating disorder, I've come across a great tool.  I didn't learn it from a eating disorder blog.  I didn't learn it from my therapist.  I didn't just figure it out by happenstance. I learn it from watching my mother, from attending church, and from studying the life of my Savior and His followers.  What is this great tool?  Would you believe me if I said service is the tool that has had a huge effect on my recovery?  It's true!

I remember many times in my life when I would be down and discouraged my mom's advice was always the same, "Do something for others!"  My mom often did kind things for friends, family, and even complete strangers.  Looking back I think my mom used this tool to keep her from falling into dark times.  She usually lived far from family, my dad was in the military and was often away on temporary duty assignments, she had three young kids, and she suffered three miscarriages and some medical scares.  But I never remember my mom giving up or being down and out.  I do remember her serving others!

I've always enjoyed serving others.  I greatly admire people who spend their lives helping the less fortunate...people like my mom and Mother Teresa.  However, an ugly shadow of selfishness came over me when I was in the depths of my eating disorder.  A selfishness so deep and dark that any person, or thought, or activity that imposed on my world of food obsession and restrictive rules was a huge annoyance to me.  I'm ashamed to admit that even my children fell victim to this.

One day I got a call from a good friend and she invited me to come with her to help out at the local mobil food pantry in our town.  So having nothing better to do I decided to go help.  It was amazing.  It was hard physical work, but I loved interacting with the other volunteers (most of whom are retired) and I loved the interaction with the folks that we were helping out.  Then I went again in two weeks for the next one.  And again!  And again!  I realized Food Pantry days were some of my best days.  I started making other types of service a priority...from helping my kids teachers, to indexing old public records, and even looking for people at the grocery store that I could help return their buggy or reach something on a high shelf.  I started looking for ANY way I could be helpful to anybody!

All that time I had my eating disorder in my head, keeping me isolated, keeping me selfish, telling me I was useless and then service takes over and my whole outlook changed.   Charles Dickens said, "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another."  For the first time in a long time I was living this!  I can't move to a poverty stricken country and build wells.  I can't help teach English to children on a tropical island.  I can't be Mother Teresa.  But I can do for one person what I would do for millions if I could.  And to that one person it might make all the difference.

It makes a difference to ME too!  There isn't room in my head to worry about what I can and cannot eat.  There isn't room in my head for all of the eating disorders rules and restrictions.  Now I look for ways to help others instead of ways to hurt and punish myself.  Service isn't the cure to anorexia, or depression, or anxiety.  But it is a useful and powerful tool to help push out the selfish tendencies that these illnesses breed.   "I learned long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others." (Booker T. Washington). Service saved my life!