Living in Fear

Ok, I admit it. I'm a scaredy cat!  As a child I was scared of nuclear war.  As a teen I was scared of growing up.  Even as an adult, I still have many fears. My extreme fear of snakes is pretty well known amongst my friends and family.  I'm afraid of my kids getting hurt. I'm afraid of driving in unknown places, especially at night. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid to take risks.
My husband and I were talking about a future business opportunity. The idea was exciting and challenging. As we discussed it in greater detail I realized that my husband was seriously considering this and then the cold wave of fear started to overcome me. I am getting better about sharing my feelings, so I told him that I was scared by this idea. When he asked me why, the reason came spilling out if me before I could filter my feelings. I was scared I couldn't manage and it would fail. My daughters, master eavesdroppers, rushed into the kitchen where I was talking with my hubby. They buried me in all the wisdom of their 12 and 10 years of life experience.
"Mom, you won't look back and regret taking a chance, but you will regret not trying."
"You will miss 100% of shots you don't take."
After hearing their advice, I quickly dismissed it. They have so little life experience. They don't understand how scary life is. Then I stopped that thinking dead in its tracks.  Maybe I was the one that didn't understand. Maybe their child like faith simply took the place of fear. I remembered something I read last year by Brent Neilsen, "Fear is the opposite of faith. If you have fear, faith diminishes, but if you have faith, fear diminishes."
When I finally admitted to myself that I needed help overcoming my eating disorder, my friend got me the name of a specialized therapist. It took me weeks to work up the courage to call. Then it took several weeks to get in to see her. I will never forget how positively terrified I was that first time I went. I was so nervous and afraid I was physically sick. I remember sitting in the waiting area literally chanting over and over in my mind, "Faith not fear!  Faith not fear!" I wanted so badly to jump in my car and go home. I was afraid to confront my problems. It took several visits for me to overcome this fear.
The thing about fear is it can really prevent a person from living. There are so many things to be afraid of. At some point you just have to say "ENOUGH!  I'm not going to live in fear!"  I look back to my life before I saw my therapist and I think how different things would be if I had let fear prevent me from getting help.  I remember the hopelessness.  I remember how sick and weak I felt. I remember how in my attempts to gain control I had completely lost all control. I was scared, lost, unwell, unhappy, and full of fear.
Sometimes, as I reflect on my journey to overcome my eating disorder I see a glimpse of the strength I have gained. It is in these moments I understand the words of Larry Gibbons, "It is hard to build faith in the noonday sun. When the night is dark and the clouds are thick, we have an opportunity to put our hand in the Lord’s hand and rely on Him to help us through. Doing so strengthens our faith."  This time of trial has been the time for me to learn faith over fear.
About snakes...don't go getting all crazy!  I'm still terrified of them!